tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-169549122011-04-21T15:00:24.379-07:00Heartland Pressnoreply@blogger.comBlogger21100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16954912.post-1131590691220800032005-11-09T17:58:00.000-08:002005-11-09T19:06:12.250-08:00-- Eden Prairie, MN<br /><br />In an unusual midseason move for an NFL franchise, the Minnesota Vikings today announced their new energy conservation plan. The plan was immediately hailed by environmental groups, but NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue called the plan "visionary but fundamentally problematic".<br /><br />The plan involves saving 20,000 gallons of high grade jet fuel between now and the end of the 2005 season, by cutting out unnecessary travel. The Vikings hope the example will offer value to the conservation movement.<br /><br />"Let's face it," said a visibly excited head coach Mike Tice from his Winter Park office, "we haven't won a road game in about 3 seasons. If our upcoming road schedule can't be classified as 'unnecessary' travel, then I'm a coach with a very secure future. "<br /><br />"Yeah, we suck on the road," admitted an anonymous interior lineman who says he was not on the boat. "The guys all try. Everybody's giving a full 50%. Now, we can save that 50% in addition to the jet fuel. Everybody wins."<br /><br />The Vikings road futility will end not with a stunningly improbable road victory, but instead with an environmentally friendly decision. "Hey, we're all down with the environmental thing, man. We're all for a green planet," said a member of the team as he left Winter Park with a suspicious-looking bag of garbage.<br /><br />Instead of traveling to the assigned city, the Vikings will play a scrimmage at Eden Prairie High School. "We've already signed up Wasswa Serwanga for the scrimmage squad," said Tice. "He'll play man-up on Williamson. We know how the fans have missed Wasswa, so this should be fun."<br />Player personnel man Scott Studwell was put in charge of the quarterback search for the scrimmage squad. "We've put out a search for Spergon Wynn, but we can't seem to find him. If any of your readers have seen him, please give us a call. Otherwise, we'll plan to go with Steve Dils."<br /><br />In appreciation of the Vikings decision, all Twin Cities area Subaru dealers are offering the players discounts on 2005 close-out model vehicles, complete with Greenpeace bumper stickers and boxes of assorted granola bars.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/16954912-113159069122080003?l=heartlandpress.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Heartland Pressnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16954912.post-1127275241752630442005-09-20T21:00:00.000-07:002005-09-20T21:00:41.753-07:0011<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/16954912-112727524175263044?l=heartlandpress.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Heartland Pressnoreply@blogger.com0